People need to slow down when they tell us their credit card number. I don't understand why people say their CC's over the phone at like 90 miles per hour. Why? I'm going to stop listening after the first five numbers and make you repeat it way slower than before. These same people are the ones who say their orders before we get a phone number or figure out if their order is for delivery or pick up. Just wait! Let us say our varying scripts. We will get you what you want. Most of the time.
That is, if they want to give us their CC number. Some people want to pay with a CC, but then they decide, "why should I have to give you my expiration date? Why do you need my CVV code? Do you store this info?" Our fucking drivers do not have a credit card machine on their person. Sure, there are connections for smart phones, and, yeah, there are portable CC machines, but, Jesus, we're one store, NOT A FRANCHISE. We do NOT have a lot of money! And not to mention our drivers make just under minimum wage who average $2 tip every run.
GET OVER IT. Wanna pay by a credit card? Our wires are not tapped. Just tell me. I only have a certain credit union debit card numbers memorized of which I am a member of at at least the first twelve digits.
Anyways, I didn't have to work today, but the point of this post is stereotypical customers. We work in what some people consider the "Bible Belt." With the label in mind, think about my customers.
I thought this one customer stopped coming in. He uses a young woman who was killed by a drunk driver as a means to push Jesus. According to Old Guy, he gave the girl a Bible before she died. He came in one night...
Picture this, end of the meal. I'm excited to give him the bill so he can get the fuck out, but... not tonight. He grabbed my hand. Bad idea: A) BUBBLE. B) Don't touch me. C) I'm an atheist.
Hand grabbed: "Have you graduated high school?"
Me: "Uuuhhh... Yeah."
Tight squeeze: "So, I can assume you can read?"
Me: "I sure hope so."
Not so quite tight squeeze: "Ok, do you have problems?"
Me: "Sure, I'm human."
Direct eye lock: "I have something to give you." At which point he reaches into his pocket. I'm assuming something perverted. Probably not.
Me: "Ok...?"
He hands over a FUCKING BIBLE. "In this Book, there is a list of problems one might have in their life. I want you have this. I want you, every time you have a problem, to look the problem up, whether it is INFIDELITY or DEPRESSION or SINFULNESS, and there is a verse to read that should make you rethink your thoughts. I gave this to that girl who was killed. If she read the prayer *flips to prayer for eternal life* she will have lived her last day on Earth and spent her first day in Eternity."
Well, global warming is directly related to the lack of pirates in the world. Just look at the facts, they're there.
I subsequently threw the bible away into the back trashcan, which was then covered with that motherfuckers food.
GOOD DAY. I'm gonna drink a beer while I finish my beer while I roll silverware BEFORE I clock out.
-Jughead
I wish people would think for like two seconds. That's all it would take.
